There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
