K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
