Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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