my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize