he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
