oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
