Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
