Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
