I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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