I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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