i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
