He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
