If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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