The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
