I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
