i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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