your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
