The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
