I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
