When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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