Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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