the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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