did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
