I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
