I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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