I think I am morally bankrupt
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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