Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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