I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
