did you get engaged???
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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