it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
