I looked at my own cervix.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
