Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
