Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
