You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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