just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
