Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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