I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize