I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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