So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
