Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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