Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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