she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
