he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
