It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
