i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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