Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
