Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
