today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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