Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
