i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
