Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
