I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
