today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
