Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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