I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize