he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
