I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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