Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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