You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
