mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
