Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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