Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
