I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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