just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
