I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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