He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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