If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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