if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
