all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
