i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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