You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
