the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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