Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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