you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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