First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
